Awareness



After really late nights I have noticed a trend in the following mornings. I sleep in to the last possible moment. We're talking 9:15, people (I start work at 10). I get ready in a flurry, run out the door, and barely make it to work on time.

Once I'm at my desk, I've noticed that almost every single tab on my browser leads to an article about slowing down. Whether it's minimizing clutter, the psychology of choice, cleaning out closets, or "16 ways to organize your life", I am actively seeking ways to slow it all down. I want to raise my awareness to this habit. I do not feel organized, calm, or healthy and I desperately want to be.

Last night was a whirlwind of fun. So was the night before. And so was the entire day and night before that, oh and the night before that, too. You get what I'm saying. But all of this fun comes at a real cost: my sanity and health. My mentors have told me that it's normal to have these wild stretches of craziness when you're 25, and I get that, honestly, I do. I just don't know if it's a lifestyle I want to continue cultivating. It's too exhausting. I am only 80% functional at work and I never get any tasks done at home because I'm too tired from all the fun I've been having. I keep returning to the lyrics in the Dr. Dog song I posted a couple days ago:

Are you moving much too fast?
And the good times that just don't last
If you're always on the go
Make an angel in the snow
And freeze

I need to make more angels in the snow.

Is this just how Los Angeles is? Is this a normal city life experience? Is it because I am not fully moved into my new apartment? Is it because I just started a new position at work? Why am I so busy? Why do I fill my schedule to the brim? I have a lot of questions at this point, and no answers. And I think I have to be okay with that. For now.

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